May, Mothers, & Mental Health
“Behind all your stories is always your mother's story. Because hers is where yours begin.” ― Mitch Albom, For One More Day
Dear Friends,
Today is Mother's Day in the United States, Australia, Bangladesh, Austria, China, Canada, and several other countries.
I know many of us are looking forward to celebrating the amazing women in our lives today. However, it is important to remember that this day can be especially difficult -- whether you have lost your mother, a child, are struggling with infertility, or you grew up with an abusive mother.
As the quote from Mitch Albom states, our mothers’ stories are intertwined with our own stories, much like our old umbilical cord. And it is important for our own mental health to acknowledge how our mothers have influenced who we are today.
Intergenerational trauma has a real effect on who we are today – right down to our DNA. And this seems to hold true even if we were raised by a step-mother, or an adoptive mother.
Whatever color your grief is, know that there is room here for it, that your grief matters, and that you are not alone.
National Mental Health Month
May is also Mental Health Month, and it is important to remember that we cannot neglect taking care of ourselves while we are grieving or going through a difficult time.
Grieving is a part of our mental health care. It is not a disorder, but a normal part of life as a human being living in relationships. It is okay to not be okay, and if you need to seek help – professional, peer support, or just a friend to talk to -- it is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness.
We are created for community and we all still need that village to “raise” our spirits and love us no matter what stage of life we are in.
National AAPI Month
The United States has also set aside May as Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Month. For me, every day is AAPI day! However, it is essential to have a designated time to bring attention to and celebrate the diverse cultures and contributions of the AAPI community, while also acknowledging the pain, discrimination, and violence they have faced simply for being who they are.
If you are a part of the Asian community, it can be difficult to acknowledge and express grief around the immigrant experience. A sense of shame and “saving face” can make it difficult to seek professional help. However, there are Asian-American therapists who understand the unique cultural and familial backgrounds of the AAPI community.
They offer a more holistic approach that goes beyond simply talk therapy – such as including tai chi, yoga, or other gentle movement – in addition to talking things out. This method has been proven beneficial to Asian-Americans as well as the community at large.
Further Reading: Asian-Americans Work to Improve Mental Healthcare
Those of us who are allies can also hold space and celebrate the AAPI community in various ways. Recently, I hosted a radio show in WGEN Radio – my music House on Clubhouse – celebrating the history and contributions to music in South Korea. And on May 26, I will be hosting another show in WGEN exploring the music of China, Japan, as well as Asian Pacific Islanders.
It may seem a small act in the midst of so much grief and hate. However, I believe that art in all mediums, and the beauty it brings, has become even more necessary in the face of such ugliness.
In addition, I will also be attending several workshops and lectures around diversity, equity, and inclusion throughout the year. I encourage everyone to find a way to use your gifts to be an effective ally.
As for me, this month, I am navigating anticipatory grief, making my mental health as well as my physical health a priority, and supporting my friends and family. And yes, the book is still in progress.
As we continue our individual journeys, it is important to remember we are also part of a community, come together, and support one another. Together, let’s hold space for our grief – both personal and collective, take care of our mental health, and celebrate the diverse cultures that make our community so rich.
Remember that grief is not a problem to be fixed, it is love with nowhere to go.
Sending love, light, and peace,
Michelle
P.S. Click here for a special audio message from me on holding space for Mother’s Day.